Not all threats are empty

When I opened my eyes, I felt catastrophically terrible. I didn't even get the five seconds of respite that you usually get from having been asleep. Just blah.

I had thought I was free. I had watched DuBolaire walk out that door. Felt like I'd finally defeated something; finally succeeded. But things are never good like that, apparently, and DuBolaire was still back in control of my life and well-being. Had he even ever stopped being in control? I tried to tune out and focus on the noisy pipes. It didn't work. I sat up.

The night before, I had thought a bit about telling Xiu Li what was going on. After all, hadn't she poured out her story to me? Including some rather personal details, too. Maybe I owed her the truth. Maybe she could even help. But the fact remained that it was deathly early in the morning, and I wasn't about to exert that much emotional effort. She'd find out eventually anyway. And how would she have helped? I knew I was just rationalizing, but I ignored my knowledge once more and took a shower.

Thing is, once you start telling people about emotional things, it becomes really easy to lapse into emotional shit and get all teary-eyed or lovey-dovey. I've never been that good at articulating that, even when Xiu Li was little. I don't usually cry, either. I tell her that she's my little girl and that I love her, and I mean it, but that's as far as I usually take the emotional side of parenting.

I finished showering, toweled off, and stepped onto the bathmat. A roach ran across the floor.

Have you ever noticed that once you decide you're having a bad day, it can really only get worse? You start to ignore all the positive things and focus on the negative. The selection effect, I think it's called. If you try to make a list of all the things that go wrong in your day, it'll be really long, because you're trying to make anything into something that made you sad.

I puttered around the house for a bit, completely ignoring my dear daughter, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door. I'm not even sure if Xiu Li was awake. I hadn't been paying much attention. A wave of guilt swept over me and told me that I was really becoming an absentee parent. I tried to fight it off by saying she was probably leaving home in a few years anyway (hopefully going to college... though I hadn't asked her about her plans. Anything but stripping would probably be fine by me.) and she needed to get used to being independent. Nonetheless, I felt kind of bad as I descended the stairs.

As I arrived at the office, Bill was already waiting outside. I let him in glumly. He's one of those people people who just notices things, and so he asked me, "What's up?"
I didn't answer for a second. Then I sighed, and set my bag down next to my desk. "I'll tell you when everyone else gets here."
A millennium of boredom passed. Marjorie and Curt showed up and so did Eli, the new employee. I rose from my desk, slowly.
"Everyone, we need to chat."

So I told them what was going on. I told them about my ex-boss who wrestled my daughter and wrecked the post office, and how everyone had left except him, until everything was all messed up. "His name is Mr. DuBolaire," I finished. "He's possibly the most vile human alive."
"Question?" said Marjorie. "Are you just sharing, or is there a point to this story?"
"I'm getting to that," I said. "So yesterday I went to visit the neighboring post office, remember?" People were nodding. "When I did, I was hoping to negotiate maybe a deal to ease their workload and increase ours. But as it turns out, Mr. DuBolaire is now the postmaster for that post office. Needless to say, he did not want to negotiate anything with me, and instead blackmailed me until I left his office."
"Blackmail?" said Curt.
"He threatened to call the USPS and tell them how far in debt we were. If he did that, they'd probably close our branch, and we'd all lose our jobs."
"Did he?" asked Marjorie. I shook my head.
"Well, then." She looked at me quizzically. "Why is this a problem?"
"We still need to expand our business. And anything we do is going to be held back by DuBolaire and his bigger, more successful post office." My employees just looked at me. Eli looked worried. Curt and Bill just stared into space grimly.
Marjorie piped up again. "What is he trying to do, anyway, in terms of taking over post offices?"
"Maybe he's trying to take over the world by way of mail," joked Bill.
"Nah," said Curt, biting the bullet. "I think he's an employee from Google that's trying to end physical mail once and for all to increase their number of users."
"Seriously, guys," I said. "What's he doing here?"
Silence.
"You're telling me that DuBolaire doesn't have some kind of master plan?"
"We're not saying that," said Bill. "We just don't know what it is. And someone needs to go find out."
"Like a spy?" said Eli.
"Maybe," said Bill.

After some discussion, we all agreed that someone needed to go and spy in Mr. DuBolaire's post office for the day. Much to my surprise, Curt immediately volunteered. I warned him, "This means that your mail is going to be a day late. The town won't be happy. Is it worth possibly sacrificing a few customers to DuBolaire just to get information?"
"I think so," said Curt. "Now I have to go to work, if you don't mind."
He smiled at me and went out the door.

I proceeded to sit in my office with nothing to do for much of the morning. What do normal managers do? I had no idea, really. I played solitaire for a bit, and then just browsed the internet. Nothing to do, nothing to do at all.

I talked a little to Eli. She had a few customers coming in occasionally to mail packages or buy birthday cards or stamps.

Just as I was about to go on lunch break, Bill came running into my office. "Renshu!"
I panicked. "What is it?"
"The school is on the phone. They said it's about your daughter."
Wonderful. I sent sarcastic thank-you vibes to Xiu Li. This was exactly what I needed.
"Hello, this is Renshu Zheng," I said cordially.
"Hello, Mr. Zheng. Your daughter has been causing quite a bit of trouble today," said the bland vanilla administrative voice on the other end of the line.
"Really?" I said, trying to sound more interested.
"Yes. She and her friend were the sole masterminds behind a certain prank played today."
"What did she do?" I was almost curious. I'd been a bit of a prankster myself, in my day.
"They hung up an enormous banner with the words 'ski area' above the teachers' lounge, and filled the hall and room with fake snow."
I resisted the urge to laugh at that.
"Did they?"
"Yes, sir, and unfortunately, this means we need you to come down to the school as soon as possible. Your daughter is facing severe punishment, most likely suspension."
Shit. 
I didn't want to deal with this right now.
It’s awful, but sometimes I forget that being a dad can be a job in and of itself. I almost felt guilty for being so angry, and I wondered for a second if I would’ve still been angry had I not already been so swamped with post office stuff.


I decided I probably would be, and I headed over to the school with a cloud over my head and my morale.
When I entered the office, Xiu Li and another kid were sitting in chairs across from an administrator, perhaps the one I’d spoken on the phone with. I assumed her companion was the Arjun she’d referenced earlier. I wondered briefly if they were... a thing, but I tried not to think about that. I usually stay out of Xiu Li’s personal life. I have enough awkward things going on already.


"Hello," I said, and I didn't have to hide the ice in my voice.
"Hi, Dad," said Xiu Li. I would've thought she maybe would've looked ashamed or something, maybe tried to look at the floor. But I swear she was almost smirking when she looked right back at me.
"So what's going on here?"
The administrator, a plump lady with fake highlights, repeated what I'd already heard over the phone.
"Your daughter turned the teachers' lounge into a ski area."
The Indian kid next to her piped up, "It wasn't entirely her! I helped." Plump Fake Lady stared at him. He stopped smiling.
I turned to my lovely daughter.
"Really, Xiu Li? As if I didn't have enough to deal with."
She looked disconcerted. I don't get mad at her that often, I realized.
"I know you're all cool and delinquent now, but this is a little too far."
Xiu Li looked slightly more penitent. "Sorry, Dad." I was pretty sure she meant it, too.
I turned to the administrator.
"So what will the consequences be?" I was hoping it wouldn't be anything too major. My hopes were slightly shattered when she answered, "Three days of suspension."
Damn. Now what was I supposed to do?
"As for the outside consequences, you'll have to talk with her about that."
I felt like I was being slightly pressured into publicly punishing my daughter. But she did need to be punished.
"For starters," I said, looking at Xiu Li, "you're grounded."


That's when it dawned on me that this could potentially be extremely useful. I almost felt like cackling.
But instead, I took Xiu Li's hand and led her out of the school. She yelled "Bye Arjun" over her shoulder, so my suspicions were correct after all.


We walked away from the school and back towards the post office.
"So," said Xiu Li. "If I'm grounded, what am I gonna do?"
"You're coming to work for me."
"What? What am I gonna do?"
"Drive a mail route."
She was stunned. "What? Why?"
"One of our guys is otherwise occupied," I told her. I was somewhat enjoying being a little mystic.
"What do you mean?" So much for mystery...
"He's on a spy mission. DuBolaire runs the post office in the next town over and he may be blackmailing me."
It sounded so much more serious that way, I noted.
"Oh." She didn't look too comfortable. "Dad, I don't even have a permit."
I didn't say anything. I was going to let her deal with a bit of discomfort for her earlier actions. It wasn't nice, but I wasn't really in a pleasant mood.


We reached the post office, and Bill looked up as we walked in. "Here's the troublemaker." I tried not to make eye contact with him.



"Hi," said Xiu Li glumly. She followed me out back to where the mail trucks were. "I want you to take Curt's mail route," I told her.
"Dad, I told you, I don't have my permit yet, let alone a license."
We've never really had a car, so this was the first time I'd even talked with Xiu Li about driving. In general, we walk everywhere. I couldn't remember the last time I'd driven anything besides a mail truck myself.
"It doesn't matter. Right now, that's what I need you to do."
Ordinarily, I would've been really worried letting my 15-year-old daughter (whose only driving experience was crashing a shopping cart in the grocery store) drive a car. I guess I was really getting that desperate.
"Dad, that's--"
"Xiu Li, it'll be okay." Was I saying it for me or for her? Even I didn't know. "You'll be going really slowly."
My conscience told me I was an asshole who cared more about my job than my daughter. I told it that it wasn't that bad. Right-hand drive was different anyway. A permit wouldn't have helped her. It was hardly dangerous, right?

Xiu Li didn't say anything. I offered her the keys, and she snatched them out of my hand. She turned her back and started to walk away. I yelled after her, "Use the one closest to the exit! Your batch of mail is in the back room, labeled for Curt."
She didn't say anything. I hoped she'd heard me.

Right after I heard the truck leave the post office, I heard it coming back. What was she doing? I was getting pretty irritated, so I went outside to see what was going on. Actually, I'd been wrong; it was Marjorie getting back from her mail route. She dropped her bag and brushed a couple wisps of hair out of her face, and then noticed me lurking awkwardly by the door. "What's up, Renshu?"
"Nothing," I said. "My daughter got in trouble, so she's taking Curt's mail route today."
Curt.
Where was he, anyway?
Marjorie seemed to have read my mind. "You haven't heard from him, have you?"
"No."
We headed into the building.
"Bill, have you heard anything back from Curt?"
Even while giving away his mail route, I seemed to have completely forgotten about Curt and his little spy mission. That sent another wave of guilt over me.
"No, I haven't," said Bill. "When do you think he'll be back?"
I looked at Marjorie, and we exchanged shrugs.

I sat down in a chair. Bill sat at the desk writing some things, perhaps transferring over records from Eli's front-desk work. Marjorie paced back and forth across the room. I tried not to look at the time, and instead focused on the little bumps on the ceiling. I don't know how long the three of us kept up our nervous behaviors. My mind wandered, and I wondered how Xiu Li was doing on her mail route.

I was fiddling with my fingernails and shifting slightly around in the chair when two things happened all at once.

The door swung open noisily, and Curt walked in with a grim expression on his face. At the same time, the phone on Bill's desk rang. Curt didn't say anything, he was too busy looking alarmed at the phone. Bill looked down at the caller ID and lost about 3 shades of color from his face. I was really scared. "Who is it?"

Bill didn't say anything. Instead, he picked up the phone. It was hard to follow anything from his side of the conversation, and it was clear that the party on the other end was doing most of the talking. I did my best to hypothesize and decipher as he said yet another time, "Yes. I understand." Marjorie was just looking at the floor. Eli wasn't in the room, but Curt just shook his head when he caught my eye.

When Bill hung up, Marjorie beat me to the punch. "Curt, what happened?"
Her voice was much higher than usual. I guess we were all a bit high-strung in the heat of the moment.
"He found me out," said Curt. "It was like he was looking out for spies." He paused, and looked at me.
"Damn, he's foul," he said.
"Do you believe me now?" I said.
He nodded. "As soon as he realized I wasn't an employee, he kicked me out. I didn't have to tell him where I was from, he somehow already knew. I think he might have looked up who your employees are, Renshu."
"Well, did you find anything out?" I was hoping our efforts hadn't been wasted.
"I think he just wants money. I really don't know. I haven't managed to uncover any secret plans. Have you considered the fact that maybe he's just... crazy? Or drunk with his tiny bit of power over his tiny corner of the world?"
"So you didn't find anything out." That really wasn't helpful. "Did he say anything else?"
Curt shuffled his feet a little. "Well, yeah." He paused. I looked at him expectantly, prompting him.
"He said you had no idea what you were getting into. And that not all threats are empty."
Oh, God. That wasn't good. But it was time for the next order of business. I noticed Bill hadn't spoken the whole time.

"So, Bill, who was that?"
He didn't seem to hear me. He just stared at his desk.
"Bill!" said Marjorie. We all waited.
"That," said Bill, "was the USPS."
I knew what was coming even before Curt said, "And?"
"We have two days to pay off our entire debt, or we will no longer be recognized as a legitimate post office."

The silence hung over us like fog for at least five minutes. Then I stood up straighter and made an announcement. "Well, back to business. We have to raise tons of money by the day after tomorrow."

The four of us pulled up chairs and started talking frantically. As Curt dragged a chair across the room, making a repulsive screeching noise, the door to the post office swung open again, and Xiu Li came in, looking incredibly frazzled.

I talked to Bill a little bit about what money we had and what expenditures were required while Curt filled Xiu Li in on what was going on. Then she sat around while the rest of us brainstormed. She wasn't being very helpful, though. She kept making snarky irrelevant comments. It wasn't the time, so I pulled her aside.
"Xiu Li, I think you should go on home. I'll be home as soon as I can."
Thankfully, she didn't argue with me. She just waved to everyone and left almost immediately. It made me feel guilty again. I was really being a little bit of a suckish dad, but I was too busy to really do anything about it.

After about an hour more of heated debate, I called it a day. As we all pushed the chairs back into position and made our way for the door, I turned around. "Look." I sighed.
"We haven't been together long as a group of employees. And I know that. But we have to keep this post office open, because our jobs depend on it. So I want all of you to go home tonight and think of the best possible means of acquiring money that you can, and I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow."
I stood in the doorway and watched as everyone went their respective ways, and then I went back into the post office and locked everything up.

I walked back over to Castle Apartments dragging my feet and my morale behind me. I stopped and sat there on the second flight of stairs for a few minutes, just because I didn't feel like I could go up any more stairs. But I had to, and eventually I did. What a god-awful day.

When I walked into the living room, Xiu Li was just watching some TV show. My mind didn't even register what show it was. I stroked her hair as I walked by.
I hoped she hadn't been too overwhelmed by the day's events...

I peeled off my clothes, changed into a T-shirt, and slipped into bed. It took me a really long time before I fell asleep, because I was dreading the dreams about DuBolaire and the money crisis.

I shouldn't have worried, though, because no one visited my dreams except for Dmitri, and he just stood there and told me I should take better care of his Juli.