A bittersweet holiday

As the Banging of the Pipes commenced, I woke up in a fairly pleasant mood. I'd had some sort of dream relating to Christmas, and Xiu Li and I had been sipping peppermint hot chocolate near the fireplace. But, as waking up usually goes, the dream shattered, and I was left in the awkward in-between state for a minute until the routine pipe-banging brought me to complete consciousness. I sat up, which to some extent caused two things to happen simultaneously. First, my entire body shook violently with a sudden fit of coughing. I'd expected something of the sort to punish me for my thorough soaking to the bones the day before. That would've been unpleasant enough by itself, but it was followed immediately by a huge plunge in my morale. 


My thought process went something like this:
Xiu Li was missing.
We don't have a fireplace, since we live in the middle of an apartment building.
Not only was Xiu Li missing, but now I knew from yesterday she was missing intentionally.


Needless to say, I'd managed to feel completely awful within a half second of waking up. Not counting the coughing. The only thing that cheered me up (or did it?) was the prospect of Dmitri's having talked to Xiu Li. Actually, never mind, that feeling was less like happiness and more like nervousness. I was somewhat curious to find out why she'd left, but I feared it was something that I wouldn't be able to handle. I racked my brains, but I couldn't think of any glaring parental failures in the days leading up to her disappearance. It must've been something I was completely oblivious to. I felt like a kid going down the stairs on Christmas, or a budding musician on a big audition day, or an athlete in a super-important match. Or, since none of those actually applied to my life, I hadn't been this nervous since I'd asked Katie Lee Fernandez to prom in my junior year. (She said no, but that's another story.)


I puttered around the house a bit, doing really pointless things, eating breakfast, making coffee, and gathering up my work outfit. Thankfully, I had a spare mail jacket, since my one from yesterday was still dripping pitifully. In hindsight, I probably should have put it over a heat vent. I also tried to find some Kleenex, since my nose had decided to do a duet with this cough of mine. A word of advice: don't fall in puddles. Or maybe it had to do with the swine flu that I'd heard about the day before.


At any rate, I had a little bit of time to kill before work, so I got a bit obsessive and went up to the roof. I needed something to take my mind off of the suspense with Xiu Li. At least, that was my logic. It actually probably didn't help. But something in the back of my slightly paranoid and really-missing-my-daughter mind told me that maybe Dmitri had already talked to her. 


I made my way up and out through the yellow door. Brrr, it was freezing. Snow coated the roof, and I wished for better shoes as a bunch of it slipped in at my ankles. Nothing was quite as chilling as the sight on the roof itself, though. 


Dmitri wasn't there. His tent was gone. The stack of posters was gone. Everything had just... disappeared. There was just a perfect, maddening blanket of snow covering the entire roof. I wanted to scream and put dirty footprints all over the sparkling, beautiful flawlessness. It was still snowing, though, I noticed, as my shoulders started to look more dandruffy than usual. I didn't know how to feel at that moment. I was mostly just surprised that Dmitri had just gone. I was also really sad, because I realized now I'd lost my entire trail on Xiu Li. And I was angry. Angry at the guy for just leaving without telling me he was leaving. Had he talked to my daughter? She clearly hadn't been here, at least. The snow was completely free from human touch up here. But would she have been? Did she simply go wherever Dmitri had gone? Would either one of them be back?


I was overwhelmed with the sheer number of questions, and I sneezed. Actually, that probably had nothing to do with it, but I decided to go back inside after a minute. Well, after I ran around kicking snow out of the way. I think I was looking for a note, a tent pole, any evidence that anyone had actually been here the day before and honored my simple request. That, and I got to enjoy the sheer pleasure of destroying the beauty that had destroyed my hopes for the morning. Destruction for destruction. I almost felt a bit insane.


There was nothing. So I went inside, and noticed that my nose had been running. That was a bit embarrassing. And my bout of coughing on the 8th floor produced some extra phlegm, as if my nose hadn't already given me enough. I'd left my box of tissues in the apartment. Stupid, stupid.


I got the rest of my things, added a hat and gloves to my ensemble, changed my socks, and went out for work. Maybe DuBolaire had swine flu. I brightened a bit at that prospect, although I was still pretty bitter about Dmitri's disappearance. The crazy part of my mind, which seems to be growing daily, told me that he obviously had gone on a shopping spree with the money I gave him the day before.

I was actually really early getting to work. Only a few people were out on the streets. Some carried Christmas presents. Some carried cell phones. Some carried children who squirmed and were trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues. I guess it must have been some kind of Christmas miracle, because I arrived in the post office before Mr. DuBolaire. That was sort of unfair in that it raised my hopes about the Swine Flu Theory.


Usually he's there to yell at me, but I got a chance on this fine holiday morning to look around the office. 


Everyone was gone. Jeff was gone, that old man who never says anything was gone, and even Melinda wasn't there. All the desks were clean, too. Even though I'd thought about how maybe all my coworkers had quit because of DuBolaire, I guess I hadn't actually ever believed it, really. But here it was. No one else. I was the last one left. 


I shivered. In high school, I once read And Then There Were None. Even without reading the book, you can get the gist of how it related to my coworkers' disappearance. The scariest thing was that I hadn't noticed them all leaving... maybe it wasn't so much like Agatha Christie's book, I suppose, since they may have all left at once. (That wouldn't have been as weird to me. When you're the only non-college-bound senior at your high school, it's pretty lonely in late August when they all leave for Harvard and Wellesley and the University of Whatever and leave you behind in the dust with a blue mail sack.)


I must admit that I had a little pride about the whole thing. The kind of pride that feels like "I'm the last one surviving my satanic boss!" I had to swallow it, though, because I realized I was only there because 1) I'd only ever been a mailman and 2) I had to pay back the damages on my truck.


Wow, it'd really been ages since I'd had my truck. I was almost getting used to my dismal little shopping cart. Speaking of which, it was time to go fetch it. After I whined at myself for a minute about the cold weather, I forced myself to go back out into the cold and walk over to the charred remains of Forever 21.


Somehow, the ruins were almost beautiful in the snow. It's hard for anything to look too ugly when it's topped by several inches of white sparkling perfection. I stood there and just took in the strange sight for a minute, then noticed my cart and was jarred out of my trance. The cart, too, had snow on it, which I brushed off. I wheeled it back to the post office to pick up my load of mail. I was eternally grateful for my heavy-duty gloves, since I could see the water and ice now glittering on my fingers. I shivered at the mere notion of having all of that inside the gloves. I sniffled and coughed again.


When I arrived back at the office, I was halfway through loading envelopes into the freezing basket of the cart when Mr. DuBolaire walked in after all. So much for that fantasy. And oh, the IRONY. He was late. I really wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine until I remembered that I'm technically the subordinate in this relationship. 
"Chen, why are you here before me?"
Was he actually being serious?
"I got here on time," I told him.
"That's ridiculous," he told me. "I don't want you here before me. Goodness knows what you might do, snooping around the office like a thief without any supervision!"
Honestly, I think he just needed something to scream at me about. He looked a little off his mojo this morning, I thought as he left the room and went into his office.

I finished loading my mail cart and started delivering. With it being so close to Christmas, there were a lot more letters than usual. Or maybe that was just the fact that I now singlehandedly was delivering all the mail to Castle Apartments. I felt a bit proud about the latter.


As I went about my business, I was amused by some of the ridiculous Christmas decorations that people put up. Some people, I notice, have a desire, a need to put up Christmas decorations, even when they live in an apartment. So, looking up at the Castle Apartments building, some windows were completely decked out with wreaths, lights, and a tree tied to the outside of one of them. It wasn't just Christmas, either; I could see a couple menorahs up there too. I smirked. Hooray for holiday spirit.


Speaking of which, I realized I didn't have a Christmas present for Xiu Li. I knew she was missing and all, (and now I didn't know where Dmitri was,) but there was just something about the thought of it that cheered me up slightly. I wondered what I could get her on such limited financial resources. At that moment, I passed the antique store, Jack's Jems, and decided that maybe I could find something in there later.


I continued on my route in the meantime. The blind bum had moved from the clinic to outside Isabella's. I wished him a happy holiday and 35 cents as I went by. I couldn't hear if he said anything, though, because "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" was blaring pretty loudly from his street corner. I briefly wondered if the strippers inside were dancing to holiday music. That would have been a tad disturbing.


About an hour later, I happened to be delivering letters to Ray's Liquor, and as I walked into the shop to have someone sign the package (a package to a package store!), the man behind the counter looked extremely familiar. Hello, Dmitri. My heart skipped a beat. Had he still talked to my daughter?


Business first, though. I asked him if he would sign the package. He obliged, and took it back to the stock room. When he returned, I hurriedly asked,
"So what happened to your tent on the roof?"
He told me about the whole process. Apparently, he'd used some of the money to get back his old apartment and get a job. I was impressed at this sudden upturn in lifestyle on Dmitri's part, in all honesty. But I still had to ask...
"Did you talk to Xiu Li?"
Dmitri sighed. "Yes, I knew you would ask that. Come to my apartment, 1287, tonight. I can explain to you."
What the hell was that supposed to mean? But this was my only chance at finding out what had happened. I made a mental note of the apartment number, thanked him, and left. I was still just shocked at my sheer luckiness today-- I couldn't believe I'd actually found him!

The rest of my mail route blurred past me in a streak of nerves and excitement. And a lot of envelopes. I returned my cart, almost running now. At least I was keeping warm, but my nose was running faster than ever, and I'd had several fits of coughing on my route. I stopped to hack up a lung as I walked back out of the post office. (I was coughing up a lot of phlegm now...) Mr. DuBolaire yelled something after me about how now all my letters would be contagious. But I felt immune to his stupid remarks. I had a daughter to find.


First, I'd promised myself I'd stop by the antique shop in hopes of finding a present for Xiu Li.


I stepped into the shop, glad to be inside a warm store, and started poking around. There were a lot of curious miscellaneous objects, I noticed, but nothing caught my eye as the perfect present for my daughter. A man came out from the back of the shop.
"Can I help you? My name is Alistair Oxley, I run the place."
"Yes," I told him. "I'm looking for a fairly inexpensive Christmas gift for my daughter."
"Your daughter." It wasn't a question, just a repetition.
"How old is she?"
"Fifteen."
"Does she like antiques?" he added.
"I don't know," I confessed. "I've never asked her, and she's missing, so I can't check."
His eyes almost popped out of his head. "Missing, you say?"
"Yes! Why do you ask? Have you seen her?" I started rattling off a description of Xiu Li, but he stopped me.
"No. I'm the town detective. Why didn't you come sooner?"
There was an awkward pause as I decided whether or not it would be rude to tell him I didn't know there was a town detective. He continued.
"I found someone's missing daughter only yesterday," he said proudly. I was impressed, I admit.
"Well, uh," I said. "I actually have a lead on her already-- I'm going tonight to talk to someone who's been spending time with her in her absence." He looked a tad crestfallen. It seemed he was a little bit desperate for business. I felt I owed him something. "I promise I'll call upon your services if this doesn't work out." He smiled faintly. "But I still need a gift for her," I added.
"Oh, right," he said.
He helped me look around for a minute, until I found a little golden chain. I think she might already have one like it, except the other one has a dolphin or something. This one had a frog. I hoped Xiu Li liked frogs; I had never actually asked her anything about them.


Alistair put the little golden frog in a box for me, and offered to wrap it, which I accepted. I paid a little extra, to thank him for his troubles, and stepped out of the shop back into the cold.


I sneezed, and a ball of dark snot hit the snow in front of me. Wow, that was disgusting. I walked away fast so no one could identify me as the perpetrator.


I went back up to my apartment before going to see Dmitri. I needed something to eat to soothe my nerves. I wasn't very hungry, though. Nothing had a taste, and I was completely congested. I coughed spectacularly as I looked through the fridge. Finally, I gave up and made my way up the stairs.


When I reached the twelfth floor, I beheld a really strange sight. If I'd thought I had holiday problems... A woman was unlocking the door to apartment 1234, and I had no idea how she was standing up. Her leg was completely bloody and mangled. Like, she'd left a little trail of blood to her door. I felt like barfing. 
"My God," I said involuntarily.
She turned around angrily. "Sir Mailman," she said huffily, (how did she recognize me? I wondered. I guess people just do when you're the crazy guy with a shopping cart full of letters) "please stop using my Lord's name in vain."
Oops, I hadn't noticed I'd done that. 
"I... I'm sorry," I said. How had she not noticed that she should probably be hospitalized? Was she delirious? "It's just... your leg," I finished lamely.
She went into her apartment. I stepped over the bloody smear where she'd been standing. I hoped her religious devotion would put in enough extra change with the big guy to save her life. That looked pretty nasty.


I shook my head and continued down the hallway. Finally. 1287. I stood there for a minute breathing deeply. Sort of. And then I knocked.


"Come in!" said Dmitri's accented voice. So I did. I opened the door slowly. He was standing at the back of the room, behind the couch.


"So," I said, walking in and kicking off my shoes, "did you manage to talk to--"
I froze.
He was standing behind the couch.
There was someone on the couch.
I let out a little cry and ran over to her.

Xiu Li was lying on Dmitri's couch, fast asleep, next to a cat. I wondered if Dmitri had had the cat while he lived on the roof.


I knelt next to the couch and looked at my daughter. It felt like I hadn't seen her in years. I just looked at her for a minute. I choked up a bit, but I wasn't about to cry in front of Dmitri. I sat down at the head of the couch and stroked her hair. God, she looked awful. She was dirty and filthy and really, really tired-looking. But she was beautiful. My baby girl.


She startled slightly when I sat down on the couch next to her. Then her eyes opened. Then they opened wider. She sat up. "Dad?"


I looked at her. She looked at me. Then she burst into tears. There were already little trails down her face through the slightly grimy tinge on her skin, and these tears followed those paths, dripping off her face. She let out a little sob. I leaned forward and hugged her. I'd said I wouldn't cry, but my vision blurred up a bit, too. I just sat there hugging my daughter. My beautiful, wonderful daughter. I watched a couple tears land on her shoulder. From my eyes. 


I could have sat there forever, hugging Xiu Li and feeling like all my problems had just gone away. But I had to sit back, because I had to cough. She looked a bit concerned. One of the coughs dislodged another tear from my eye, and it rolled down my face. She laughed at the sight of it. "You never cried before, Dad," she said. I smiled at her. "You never ran away before," I said, and we both sat there laughing for a minute. Ah, laughing. It felt so wonderful after all of this crap.


I let out one last chuckle, and then noticed the pile of wrinkly, runny MISSING DAUGHTER posters sitting next to the couch. I looked back up at Xiu Li. I felt a twinge of anger. Why hadn't she come home? I wanted to shout out and ask her, but I only managed to silently gesture at the pile.


She forced a smile. "I can't believe you used that picture, Dad," she said, and hiccuped.
"Xiu Li..." I couldn't bring myself to ask. I was too relieved. Too overjoyed to finally have my daughter back. She nodded, finally, and another tear rolled out of her eye. "I know, Dad. I know." She gave me a hug.
"I'm really sorry," she choked.
For what?
"Let's go home," I said, finally.


She grinned. "Just a minute." She went back into the kitchen. Dmitri had been lurking there uncomfortably during the father-daughter reunion. I watched amusedly as she essentially tackled him with a forceful hug. "Thank you so much," she said. "I never could have done this without all your help. And all your stories." Dmitri smiled back, after he stopped looking surprised. "You can come anytime and talk to me," he said. Then he looked up at me. "Maybe you should tell Dad when you do, this time." I laughed. "Thanks, Dmitri." I felt I should say something else.
"Your apartment is nice," I noted. He nodded. "I could not have done it without money," he admitted.
Xiu Li walked over and picked up the cat off the couch. Then she headed for the door.
"You're not going to take his cat?" I asked, horrified.
I was greeted with confused faces from both Dmitri and Xiu Li.

Finally, Xiu Li smiled. "Dad, Persephone is mine." Oh. She looked concerned. "Can we keep her?"
"We'll talk," I said, and we left, walking silently the whole way down the stairs to 604.


She walked into the apartment and smiled widely. Then she noticed Fuzzballe. She looked at me quizzically. "You have a cat, too?"


I nodded. "Her name is Fuzzballe. She appeared the day after you left."
She gave me a really sarcastic look. Now that was my daughter. "Fuzzball?"
"With an E. Fuzzballe."
She looked at me dubiously.

"Seriously, Dad?"

I was slightly hurt by that remark. I had been a little bit proud of my creativity. But I didn't have time to be too offended, because of what she said next.
"So that's why you were in the pet store."
I was stunned.
"Hold the phone. You saw me in the pet store?... oh. Wait. Of course you did. You took down the poster."
There was a really awkward pause at this point. I looked at Xiu Li expectantly.
"You have a cough," she said, as if just to say something.

I could tell she was avoiding the obvious question. She couldn't not have a story. So I gave her a hug. And then the Christmas present.


She looked surprised. "You got me a present? Shouldn't I wait for Christmas?" she said.
"No," I said. "I want you to have it now. A little early gift from your old dad."
I coughed. She looked worried. 
"No matter. Go on, open it!"
She opened the box carefully and took out the little golden frog chain. For a second, I worried that she didn't like it, but then she looked far too overjoyed for me to mistake that any longer. "Thank you so much, Dad," she said, and fastened the little chain around her neck. She wasn't wearing her dolphin one right now.


"Let's sit down, now," I said.
Xiu Li and I sat on the couch, petting our cats. She looked at me. I looked at her.
"Tell me everything," I said.
So she did.


* * *


Xiu Li's Story




* * *


I just sat there for a second. 
Wow.


I didn't know what to think. So I let my thought process run free for a minute. My thoughts appeared in this order.

• First of all, at least she didn't hate me. At least she didn't mean to run away.
• I wasn't sure whether to be ashamed of Xiu Li for actually having issues with the law, or to be utterly astonished and proud that she'd actually tackled DuBolaire. 
• Did she have any idea how dangerous this situation was? The two people she befriended turned out to be nice strangers, but what if they hadn't? Good God, did the child have zero sense?
• Didn't she know I wouldn't be mad at her? How could she not know?
• I couldn't believe she had been trying to get back my truck money.
• What had happened to Annalisa?

While I was thinking of all of these things, Xiu Li started to cry. Now I knew why she was so upset. I sat there holding her again for a little while. She'd been through so much... 


"Xiu Li," I said, trying to sound stronger than I actually was, "We are going to deal with these problems together. We're going to find Annalisa, do something about Mr. DuBolaire--"
She interrupted me. "Wait, who?"
I laughed. "The guy you kept calling Obnoxious Hairgel Man is my boss, Mr. DuBolaire. He's possibly the most vile human being alive. You can tell because he didn't even tell me that you two had had your little run-in." I paused. "Of course, why would he? He wouldn't want to admit to his least favorite subordinate that he lost a fight to his daughter!"
Xiu Li looked a bit smug at that one. "And," I finished, "we're going to have to go to the police station and clarify some things."
"Now?" she said.
"No," I told her. "Probably tomorrow. I just found my daughter, and I intend to have some quality time with her." She smiled weakly.
"Wait," said Xiu Li. "I almost forgot."
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of cash.
I must have looked suspicious. "No, Dad," she laughed. "It's legal. This is what I'd made back so far for your truck money. With my job."
Oh, right. We both laughed for awhile at that one. I counted the money. Once, twice, and three times. Then I did a quick calculation as to how much I'd made back.


Holy crap. It was enough. I leaped off the couch joyously. "Do you know what this means?" I asked. She didn't answer. "This means I will never have to push another shopping cart full of envelopes!" I did a little happy dance while Xiu Li watched, bemused.


"I really had no clue he was your boss," she said. "I would apologize, but it looks like I don't have to." I hugged her. "No. I would've done it myself, except that I needed the salary. Maybe I should just quit my job!" She looked at me like I had two heads. "Dad. That's stupid. Don't quit your job. I have to quit mine, because I assume I'm going back to school--" I nodded. "--and we need the money. Besides, I'm sure we can find some legal violation on your boss's part." 


I couldn't stop grinning. "That's my girl," I said, and hugged her again. "That's my--"
I burst into a fit of coughing. Again, Xiu Li looked worried.
"Dad, you've been coughing a lot..."
"Eh," I started, "it's nothing. I was out in the rain all day yester--"
I started coughing again. She patted me on the back, with a really scared expression. 
I finally finished and looked down at my hand.


I was coughing up blood.
Xiu Li saw it, too, and we exchanged a quick glance. "Dad, we're going to the clinic. Now."
"You just got home," I started to tell her, but started hacking again.
She just grabbed my other hand and we started down the stairs.


I faintly remember being rolled out of the building, but that's the last thing I knew.


* * *


I woke up later that night in a bed, with a nurse standing over me. They had me on an IV, I noticed. I felt really drowsy. I tried sitting up, but the nurse shook her head. "Stay lying down," she instructed me. "You've been out for several hours, and you're lucky your daughter managed to get you here in time. We're not sure what it is you've got, but we're doing our best."
I was shocked. I had no idea things were so serious. Xiu Li came into the room a second later.
"Dad! You're awake!" I tried to smile at her, but the nurse shushed her. "Mr. Zheng--" oh, the relief of my actual last name "--, you need to rest. Your daughter will be here when you wake up."


I would've protested, but I was so exhausted that I didn't even try. At that moment, I couldn't care less if I died right then and there in the clinic bed. My daughter was with me, and things were going to be okay.


Merry Christmas to me.